Well, I was right.  It was raining and snowing for my long run on Monday.  It was also hailing and it was really cold. I tried to take a picture of the snow coming down but it was wet rainy snow and didn’t show up very well.  My run actually went pretty good but I was absolutely drenched and freezing cold when I got home.  When I left for my run it wasn’t even raining so I didn’t dress for the weather as well as I probably could have.  I haven’t been for a run since Monday!  I have plenty of excuses:  My car was at the mechanic, the roads amd sidewalks are covered in a foot of snow and ice, I didn’t want to carry my gym stuff around with me all day, I didn’t get up early enough, shoveling snow is exercise, I’d rather sit and read my book….  but the truth is that if I’d really tried I could have gotten a workout in over the past two days.  Tonight I have plans to do 10k with a friend.  The area that we’re supposed to be going to didn’t get as much snow as by my place so I’m hoping that it’ll all be melted so that we can run.  It’s raining like crazy here today so I’ll be surprised if there is any snow left down there.  We got about a foot by my place so it will take a little while for the rain to wash it all away.  I’ve been fighting a headache all day so I’m still kind of deciding whether I’ll be able to run or not.  I’ve been popping pills all day trying to keep it from getting too bad but it just won’t go away.   

So after feeling overly emotional for several days I came to the realization that it was probably PMS, not that I didn’t have valid reasons for feeling sad.  It’s just strange for me to be that teary and that emotional, depressed, sensitive, unreasonable…  I started to really think about it and realized that I was feeling a little out of control and that everything was setting me off.  Then I clued in, PMS.  I don’t usually have a big problem with this but about once or twice a year it hits me hard.  I don’t know why.  I should probably pay more attention so that maybe I can figure it out.  I suspect there is no explainable reason though.  A few years ago I thought that I was going crazy (kind of).  It was the worst PMS I had ever had but I didn’t know that that was what it was.  I was crying at the drop of a hat.  I called one of my friends and as I was talking to her (with tears streaming down my face but hoping that she couldn’t hear it in my voice) she mentioned that I sounded like how she should be feeling.  She was pregnant at the time.  That’s when it clicked for me that it was hormones that were making me feel like I was feeling.  I felt so relieved to know that it would go away and that I wouldn’t feel like an emotional wreck forever. 

I dated a guy a few years ago and several times he mentioned that it bothers him that women sometimes use PMS as an excuse.  I never took the time to confront him on his views because I was pretty sure that I wouldn’t be able to change his way of seeing things.  I think that I already could sense that the relationship wasn’t going to go anywhere so I didn’t see the point in arguing for no reason.  How do you explain to someone what it feels like to suddenly be highly sensitive, emotional, grumpy and at times very unreasonable and to not be able to just snap out of it?  It can go on for days while you fight it as hard as you can without ever feeling in control.  It’s awful.  That first time (the worse time) I was even quite depressed too.  I suffered from depression for a while many years ago and I was so scared that it was coming back.  I just don’t know how you can explain something like that to someone who has never and will never experience it.  Ever since the guy that I was dating mentioned his opinion I have wished that there was some way that men (or anyone that doesn’t ‘get it’) could experience what it’s like.  Even just for one day.  Can’t we just inject them with some hormones and let them see what it’s like?  It would be so much easier than trying to make them understand any other way.  I’ve discovered that for myself it really helps for me to recognize the PMS for what it is.  If I understand that I’m feeling like I am because of hormones then I can deal with it better.  Sometimes dealing with it means that I just keep my mouth shut while telling myself that I’m overreacting to the situation.  I mostly just hope that nobody will notice that I’m not as happy or friendly or talkative.  But then if they don’t notice I kind of feel sad that no one has noticed that I’m not feeling great.  It’s a lovely trap.  I’m so glad that it’s not a regular occurance for me and that it only last a few days.

I really don’t feel like running tonight!  I’ve been so lazy this week.  Tomorrow I will exercise whether I run tonight or not. 

Tonight have to do some more Christmas baking.  I have to make some sugar cookies for the middle school Christmas party on Saturday.  We will be decorating them at the church and then delivering them to people at a nursing home.  My nephew also requested sugar cookies for Christmas so I’ll save some for him.  I am doing the Christmas baking this year.  I love baking, even though I don’t really agree with eating sugar.  I love eating it too but I wish that I didn’t.  I’m a work in progress on that one.  Anyway, the only two requests I got for what to bake were sugar cookies and shortbread.  Talk about boring!!  I like baking new and interesting things not boring old cookies that everyone has had a million times and that you can get anywhere.  I do have some eggnog cakeballs in the freezer that I’ll be taking with me.  I may make another batch of cookies that I created this year to take along as well.  Essentially they are fudgy chocolate cookies with candycane hershies kisses on the top.  They were a big hit at the last function that I went to.  Tonight I’ll start on the sugar cookies since they need to sit in the fridge overnight.  Sugar cookies are just so much work especially considering they’re not even that yummy (although the dough is delicious).  Oh well.  I’d better go make the dough and then get my warm running gear on.  I haven’t had a bad wave of pain for about 5 minutes so maybe the last dose of painkillers did the trick.   

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